There you Are!


There you Are!

I would like to congratulate you for successfully stumbling on my ripe blueberry of a blog. Now that you’re here, I’m afraid you’ve chosen to cross into prohibited territory (also known as my mind) but you will not be electrocuted or hanged or decapitated (although I am a zealous misanthropist and would love some human heads for my latest collection), but, even better, you will have to endure my horrendous thoughts and venomous writing. I know you’re wondering what you have done to deserve this. I also know that you must have done something because you deserve this.

Have an inspirational time here, as long as you’re here, before it’s too late, before you’re gone, gone as in dead, dead as in eternally nonexistent (unless you’re a believer of reincarnation, afterlife, or lucid dreaming).

Welcome to my world! I’m quite sure you’re feeling right at home with my warm welcoming thoughts. Certainly, this blog will not express my entire world, one that is naturally infinite, however, it will speak. Now listen.


filmqueer Award Winners 2018


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Artwork by Sonia Alins for the 24th Catalonia Latin American Film Festival

Artwork by Sonia Alins for the 24th Catalonia Latin American Film Festival

The wait is over! It’s time to announce the first ever winners of filmqueer Awards. Here we go!

Wait. It’s important to remember that my choices are highly subjective and reflect, not the quality of the film and its aspects, but rather my personal taste. I chose my favorite and not necessarily the best films.

The winners of the first annual filmqueer Awards are…

Best Film

WINNER: The Handmaiden – Park Chan-wook


Call Me By Your Name – Luca Guadagnino

Good Time – The Safdie Brothers

Personal Shopper – Olivier Assayas

Phantom Thread – Paul Thomas Anderson

The Florida Project – Sean Baker


Best Leading Actor

WINNER: Daniel Day Lewis – Phantom Thread


Adam Driver – Paterson

Joaquin Phoenix – You Were Never Really Here

Robert Pattinson – Good Time

Timothée Chalamet – Call Me By Your Name

Vince Vaughn – Brawl in Cell Block 99


Best Leading Actress

WINNER: Sally Hawkins – The Shape of Water

Brooklyn Prince – The Florida Project

Eili Harboe – Thelma

Jessica Chastain – Miss Sloane

Kristen Stewart – Personal Shopper

Saoirse Ronan – Lady Bird


Best Supporting Actor

WINNER: Michael Stuhlbarg – Call Me By Your Name

Barry Keoghan – The Killing of a Sacred Deer

Richard Jenkins – The Shape of Water

Steve Buscemi – The Death of Stalin

Willem Dafoe – The Florida Project


Best Supporting Actress

WINNER: Lesley Manville – Phantom Thread

Catherine Keener – Get Out

Kirsten Dunst – The Beguiled

Laurie Metcalf – Lady Bird

Sylvia Hoeks – Blade Runner 2049


Best Ensemble Cast

WINNER: Dunkirk


Get Out

I, Tonya

The Death of Stalin

The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)


Best Screenplay

WINNERS: Call Me By Your Name – James Ivory TIED with Phantom Thread – Paul Thomas Anderson


Get Out – Jordan Peele

Lady Bird – Greta Gerwig

The Death of Stalin – Armando Iannucci

The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) – Noah Baumbach


Best Cinematography

WINNER: Bojan Bazelli – A Cure for Wellness

Alexis Zabe – The Florida Project

Anthony Dod Mantle – Trainspotting 2

Paul Thomas Anderson – Phantom Thread

Roger Deakins – Blade Runner 2049

Sean Price Williams – Good Time


Best Score

WINNER: Jonny Greenwood – Phantom Thread

lexandre Desplat – The Shape of Water

Hans Zimmer – Dunkirk

Jonny Greenwood – You Were Never Really Here

Oneohtrix Point Never – Good Time


Best Animated Film

WINNER: The Girl Without Hands – Sébastien Laudenbach

Coco –  Lee UnkrichAdrian Molina 

Mutafukaz –  Shôjirô Nishimi, Guillaume Renard

Window Horses – Ann Marie Fleming


Best Documentary

WINNER: Faces Places – Agnès Varda, JR


78/52: Hitchcock’s Shower Scene – Alexandre O. Phillipe

David Lynch: The Art Life – Jon Nguyen

I Am Heath Ledger – Adrian Buitenhuis, Derik Murray

The Work – Jairus McLeary, Gethin Aldous


Best Foreign Film

WINNER: Raw – Julia Ducournau (France)


Aloys – Tobias Nölle (Switzerland)

On Body and Soul – Ildikó Enyedi (Hungary)

Thelma – Joachim Trier (Norway)

The Handmaiden – Park Chan-wook (South Korea)

The Insult – Ziad Doueiri (Lebanon)


Best Directorial Debut

WINNER: Columbus – Kogonada


Get Out – Jordan Peele

Lady Bird – Greta Gerwig

Manifesto – Julian Rosefeldt

Most Beautiful Island – Ana Asensio

Raw – Julia Ducournau




Cure for Wellness – Gore Verbinski

mother! – Darren Aronofsky

Oh Lucy! – Atsuko Hirayanagi

Princess Cyd – Stephen Cone

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – Luc Besson

World of Tomorrow: Episode 2 – Don Hertzfeldt

filmqueer Awards 2018


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Artwork by Sonia Alins for the 24th Catalonia Latin American Film Festival

Artwork by Sonia Alins for the 24th Catalonia Latin American Film Festival

If you haven’t heard, let me tell you.

This year I decided to take matters into my own hands and create my own film awards.

Brace yourself for *drum roll* the first annual filmqueer Awards!


Why filmqueer? 

That’s my username on Letterboxd. And I like it.


What are the filmqueer Awards?

filmqueer Awards are my personal take on last year’s films. They are 1000% subjective with no specific criteria. I picked my FAVORITE films, not necessarily the best ones – the categories are all still dubbed Best but that’s only for the sake of practicality; a pragmatic misnomer.

There is a total of 14 categories. Each category includes a minimum of three and a maximum of six nominees. Some categories are classic, others original.

One original category is the Beyond Award category; it is similar to “special mention” except there are no nominees, only winners. As lame as that sounds, it is particularly important that I highlight these films because they may have been overlooked, underrated, or misunderstood and I reeeeally want more people to watch (or rewatch) these films. My perception of these films ranges from thrilling, to heart wrenching, to what the fuck. And it’s my pleasure to share them with as many people as possible.

I also eliminated the Best Director category and merged it with Best Film because…I can never really tell the difference, to be honest. In addition, I don’t have many technical categories (editing, sound mixing/editing, VFX, etc.) due to my limited knowledge of these fields. However, I hope that over the years I expand my knowledge to include more elaborate categories.

Nominations are listed below. The winners will be announced on April 28.

Note: Some of the nominees are officially 2016 productions but were released in my region later in 2017 hence their presence among my nominees.

Here we go!


filmqueer Awards 2018 – appreciating my favorite films of 2017

Best Film

Call Me By Your Name – Luca Guadagnino

Good Time – The Safdie Brothers

Personal Shopper – Olivier Assayas

Phantom Thread – Paul Thomas Anderson

The Florida Project – Sean Baker

The Handmaiden – Park Chan-wook


Best Leading Actor

Adam Driver – Paterson

Daniel Day Lewis – Phantom Thread

Joaquin Phoenix – You Were Never Really Here

Robert Pattinson – Good Time

Timothée Chalamet – Call Me By Your Name

Vince Vaughn – Brawl in Cell Block 99


Best Leading Actress

Brooklyn Prince – The Florida Project

Eili Harboe – Thelma

Jessica Chastain – Miss Sloane

Kristen Stewart – Personal Shopper

Sally Hawkins – The Shape of Water

Saoirse Ronan – Lady Bird


Best Supporting Actor

Barry Keoghan – The Killing of a Sacred Deer

Michael Stuhlbarg – Call Me By Your Name

Richard Jenkins – The Shape of Water

Steve Buscemi – The Death of Stalin

Willem Dafoe – The Florida Project


Best Supporting Actress

Catherine Keener – Get Out

Kirsten Dunst – The Beguiled

Laurie Metcalf – Lady Bird

Lesley Manville – Phantom Thread

Sylvia Hoeks – Blade Runner 2049


Best Ensemble Cast


Get Out

I, Tonya

The Death of Stalin

The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)


Best Screenplay

Call Me By Your Name – James Ivory

Get Out – Jordan Peele

Lady Bird – Greta Gerwig

Phantom Thread – Paul Thomas Anderson

The Death of Stalin – Armando Iannucci

The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) – Noah Baumbach


Best Cinematography

Alexis Zabe – The Florida Project

Anthony Dod Mantle – Trainspotting 2

Bojan Bazelli – A Cure for Wellness

Paul Thomas Anderson – Phantom Thread

Roger Deakins – Blade Runner 2049

Sean Price Williams – Good Time


Best Score

Alexandre Desplat – The Shape of Water

Hans Zimmer – Dunkirk

Jonny Greenwood – Phantom Thread

Jonny Greenwood – You Were Never Really Here

Oneohtrix Point Never – Good Time


Best Animated Film

Coco –  Lee UnkrichAdrian Molina

Mutafukaz –  Shôjirô Nishimi, Guillaume Renard

The Girl Without Hands – Sébastien Laudenbach

Window Horses – Ann Marie Fleming


Best Documentary

78/52: Hitchcock’s Shower Scene – Alexandre O. Phillipe

David Lynch: The Art Life – Jon Nguyen

Faces Places – Agnès Varda, JR

I Am Heath Ledger – Adrian Buitenhuis, Derik Murray

The Work – Jairus McLeary, Gethin Aldous


Best Foreign Film

Aloys – Tobias Nölle (Switzerland)

On Body and Soul – Ildikó Enyedi (Hungary)

Raw – Julia Ducournau (France)

Thelma – Joachim Trier (Norway)

The Handmaiden – Park Chan-wook (South Korea)

The Insult – Ziad Doueiri (Lebanon)


Best Directorial Debut

Columbus – Kogonada

Get Out – Jordan Peele

Lady Bird – Greta Gerwig

Manifesto – Julian Rosefeldt

Most Beautiful Island – Ana Asensio

Raw – Julia Ducournau



A Cure for Wellness – Gore Verbinski

mother! – Darren Aronofsky

Oh Lucy! – Atsuko Hirayanagi

Princess Cyd – Stephen Cone

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – Luc Besson

World of Tomorrow: Episode 2 – Don Hertzfeldt

Salvation N/A


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The Sun has a twin sister and they take shifts watching over us.


Blood floods.

Dreams die slow.

Pain rains.

Souls scream no.


The Tired reek.

Listen. Insomnia cries.

Their guilt drips black.

Listen. Ghostly hearts spell lies.


The Sun has a twin sister and they take shifts watching over us.

Today of tears, fears, and tar

Is too heavy to bear

Even for a star.

The Usual Suspects – Nine Short Stories from Unusual Places


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The white shopping bag crashed into the muddy puddle.

My plastic skin yielded and everything bled out of me.

Fruits rolled and sank. Shampoo oozed out; graffiti on the mirror.

Men with milky shadows and women in cheese wigs passed by me blindly.

A young boy slipped away from his mother, splashed into the puddle, feet like drumsticks.

Fireworks! Tomatoes exploded! Bread shredded and glass shattered! Spectacular euthanasia.

—  The Plastic Bag


We’ve been together for a long time.

They all warned us it would end one day.

No! We were defiant dandelions determined to face it all.

It was an early Friday morning when metallic winds stormed our home, slicing me off his bed.

Dandelion seeds blown away.

— Nail & Cuticle


You all fear her, as you should, but no one loves her. No one loves her like I do.

You hide under trees and behind curtains to escape her.

Fools! Such bliss to bathe in her touch, her warmth, her love.

She is fierce as fire feeding on the fuel of fission.

I refuse to sit silently; I will not save you.

— Sunglasses in Love


They are infinity embodied. I tire with every step. They don’t.

They make their ancestors proud. They keep going up.

To what end? I don’t know but I must find out.

My heart races as I approach the highest level. This is it.

I’m going to make my ancestors proud; I’m going to win this game.

A door with a golden handle awaits me.

I clasp the handle and pull it down. It disappears!

A door with no handle stares at me.

I hear their triumphant laughter echoing behind my back.


— Climbing the Stairs


Why me?

My sister grew up to work with fire.

My brother is famous in a museum in London.

Even my baby cousin is an artist, his work in galleries all over town.

But me? I end up kneaded and spread.

My tongue licks every floor, ceiling, and wall.

I cause pain to everyone around me.

I wish I was different. I wish I was…


— Wax On


My father always says, “We are immortal.”

We never have to worry about survival or the future.

We know we’re here forever.

Unlike you, poor mortals!

You cower beneath us, mouths watering, eyes racing, then you die.

Meanwhile we watch it all from above.

It’s our time. It’s our era.

We are Big Brother.

— Mighty Bill Board


I’m a foot fetishist and proud!

I love their curves and I say it out loud.

I wait politely till I finally get the chance.

Oh what a dance.

To hold a foot, take it inside..

That wild ride!

— The Shoe Wants What It Wants


They resent me.

Their eyes need new eyes to see the beauty in the old.

They’re freaks, obsessed with sterile sanity, botched Botox, asinine app updates.

Dust now extinct.

They’re coming after me.

But I’m beautiful and natural just the way I am.

I’m old, not gold, but just as bold.

— Rust in Peace


If I was made of ice cream instead of light, I’d be a fantastic combination of strawberry, banana, and kiwi.

I’d be scooped into the biggest cone.

People would pose with me, on Instagram, Snapchat, you name it!

I would be loved and appreciated.

But I am made of light not ice cream.

I am cursed and violated although I mean no harm.

If only they tasted my flavors as ice cream.

Alas, I scream.

— Stuck in Traffic

Captain Fantastic – A Beautiful Reminder of an Ugly Reality


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Captain Fantastic (2016)

Director: Matt Ross


Like Ben and his children attending a funeral all dressed in bright red and green, Matt Ross’ Captain Fantastic is a soulful burst of color in the dark sad affair that is current moviemaking. Telling the story of the Cash family, the film follows the everyday life of Ben (masterfully played by Viggo Mortensen) as he trains and educates his six children in the middle of a forest. The setting may first seem like a summer camp but it turns out to be the permanent residence of the family where they exercise, hunt, play music, and learn everything from self-defense and bone carving to quantum physics and law. Their utopian microcosm is suddenly disturbed when they receive the news of their hospitalized mother’s death. What follows is the journey of a family vying to prove itself to the world.

The film is an outstanding social commentary on today’s world as well as a deliberation about the generation gap. At the beginning one may think Ben is hypocrite who decides to isolate his family from a corrupt world that indoctrinates all minds only to do that very same thing to them – protect them against the evil of the world by injecting them with his own set of beliefs. However as the film progresses we can see the nuances of Ben’s character, especially when contrasted against other characters. Other parental characters in the film are illustrated as either dictators who completely disregard their children’s wishes or blindly supportive shadows for their children and both juxtapose with Ben’s role in enlightening his family through free and unrestricted access to truth. Truth is a key concept that is tackled in an entirely original way: a multi-dimensional approach spanning different generations and mentalities. The film discusses the relationship between finding the truth and age. Ben refuses to lie to his children about anything and always divulges the truth about pertinent issues such as capitalism, sex, fascism, and religion which are generally avoided when talking to eight-year-olds. Unlike Harper (Kathryn Hahn) who argues that lying to children is for the sake of “protecting [them] from concepts that they are too young to understand,” Ben believes in no age when it comes to knowledge. However, what Ben eventually realizes is that knowing the truth about the world is not the same thing as living in it. He chooses to move his children into their grandparents’ residence and surrenders to the real world, accepting that this time he is not right and relinquishing his control. But he is not giving up; he’s giving in. Soon after returning back to the forest all by himself, Ben is surprised to find his children had followed him. The seeds he had sowed in their souls were blooming, the ideas growing into actions; he had raised them well and they were ready to face the world.


The Cash siblings

The film’s top moments involve death but they do not engulf the audience in melancholy but rather in the magnificent bond between humans, alive and dead. The first moment takes place early on in the film when Ben finds out his wife had died. Instead of inserting a typical hysterical reaction, Matt Ross chooses to transport us to a waterfall. Ben showers in the waterfall, bathing in nature’s ever flowing tears. The second moment is on the family’s bus where angelic music and light floods the scene as the children lay around their mother’s corpse on its way to be cremated. Death is portrayed as an ethereal experience not of loss but of love; a celebration of humanity. During the cremation ceremony, the children play music, sing, and dance while their mother’s body fades into ashes and her love flowers into them.

The use of close ups and music attenuates the emotional connection between the characters and the audience. We’re drawn into their special world where they celebrate Noam Chomsky day instead of Christmas and howl in excitement through their eyes and rhythms. Creating a successful dramedy, Ross fuses elements from different genres and the product is a genuine, thought-provoking, heartwarming experience of what it is to be alive.

Captain Fantastic won the Un Certain Regard Directing award at Cannes Film Festival 2016.