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I discovered recently that the core of all problems, mine at least, is one of spiritual starvation. I think it’s always been spiritual, only I’ve been deluded by the world to believe otherwise. What is spiritual starvation? Spiritual starvation is the boredom of the soul, also known as death. Although I carry out all functions of life every day, I am truly dead for my soul starves for life, for purpose, for truth. Waking up to eat, to study, to work, and to consume more time in mundane activities is the characteristic of spiritual starvation. I no longer am God’s miracle on earth but rather a mutated virus of a once noble light.

Am I not trying hard enough? Maybe. Am I trying too hard? Maybe. Am I on a futile endeavor of impossible aims? I believe so.

The world sucks the life out of life. We enter a cycle of monotonous routine that is not only enforced by family and society but even encouraged because a ‘stable system’ is needed for a daily life. Of course any slight protest against such routine is met with shock and disgrace. Thus begins a lifeless life. Nothing of value, nothing of purpose. The very idea of having a purpose is lost amidst the endless trifles of every day life. A truly pathetic organism, I become.

And it does not get any better. I do not wake up happier. I do not see the bright side of things because there are no sides to be seen. I am blind.

I know I must stand up one day and scream and cry. I know I must run away and explore and search for my spirit. It will never come to me while I am asleep. But I am too dead to wake up and abandon the nightmare of a life I endure.

I am starving. The fridge is too far away.

Painting by Nadeen Maged

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