I recently moved to Istanbul. I now live alone and around 3,000 km away from my parents’ house. Now I took such a drastic decision because I wanted a better education and although Istanbul is no London or Toronto, it’s probably still better than Cairo. Nevertheless, before I made the decision, the academic motive sometimes faltered and I felt I shouldn’t be changing my entire life just to get a degree. Other times I didn’t even want to have a degree. But I managed to pull it all together – keeping Alexander Supertramp’s determination in mind, despite the atrociously huge discrepancy between his quest and mine – and finally made the move. Now the experience of living alone for the first time in my life can be summed up in a single syllable: meh. Maybe because I am the kind of person who didn’t really depend on other people that much in the past that I don’t feel such a big difference. I mean of course not having an annoying but loving young sister around makes me miss home sometimes but still I’m not so overwhelmed by homesickness. Or maybe I just assimilated quickly. I remember the first time I skyped with my family and saw their faces on my screen after two weeks of being alone, I realized how I overestimated my cold heart. I really missed them. But now it’s all gone. I don’t really have the space to miss people in the middle of my new responsibilities and the fresh new feeling of freedom.
The point is: living alone and far away is the perfect setting for suicide. First of all, you don’t have to worry about how upset and disappointed your family will feel when they find your body in the morning. You don’t have to overthink your suicide just because a bunch of other people exist who are just basically hindering your suicide. Secondly, departing this life in a strange country amidst strangers is a cool way to go. No I’m not cruel and cold, I just find it easier to leave quietly without causing a big show (and if I truly believed that I wouldn’t be talking so much about it but whatever). Basically you know no one here, your family are hours and hours away, and until the hospital finds out who you are and reports your death and calls whoever can reach your family, you’ll be already decomposing. So that’s good to know. And that’s the greatest perk of living alone and far away.