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Greetings whoever still visits this place!

I will soon turn twenty which means that I have lived – technically just survived – on this planet for two decades. Regardless of a childhood I can barely remember and some rough teenage years (consensually, it seems teenage has become synonymous with rough so no personal pity story there), I did manage to have several moments of joy and revelation. I admit my life thus far has been quite uneventful but I do get to celebrate minor accomplishments that I personally find worth celebrating. The following is a list of all such worthy moments, accompanied by cool works of art because that’s how I’d like my twenties to be: full of Art.

For starters, a dash of cynicism and cat.. Before I’m twenty:

– I watched hundreds of films and I’m proudest of that more than anything else. (Special thanks to the Internet.)

– I attended three film festivals, during which I watched a total of thirteen films.

Unhinged by Jennifer Davis

– I was officially enrolled in four universities as a freshman student: once as a biology major, once as a biomedical major, and twice as a medical student. I’m not sure whether I should be proud of this feat (failure?) but my indecision has always been my Achilles’ heel and it had to manifest somehow.

– I visited a total of seven countries: Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Dubai, India, Malaysia, Turkey, and USA.

Genting Highlands in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia – shot taken in 2010

– I gave three TEDx talks (including subjects like the awesomeness of ideas and becoming a polymath) and listened to many more.

– I started this blog which contains some stories and poems (of which I’m moderately proud) and made my first short film (less proud of that).

Cat’s Eye nebula

– I discovered concepts of philosophy, friendship (or lack thereof), sex, and parenthood:

~ I consider philosophy a good friend of mine whose company enriched my life and actively contributed to the person I am today. Of special note are Plato and Absurdism.

Remain in Light by Mara Hoffman

~ I passed through most of the friendship phases from good classmates to best friends and even to closer-than-family companions, and although none of my friendships are strong enough to act as a real support system, I’m grateful to have made every one of them and I still enjoy the friendship of a select few who make my world an epic place.

~ I never had the sex talk with my parents. Instead, I unravelled it mainly through literature and film. But sure, I can give that seventh grade biology class minor credit for giving me a vague and basic idea.

~ It was only this year that I really got to analyze the trials and triumphs of parenthood as I observed my parents react to various situations, one of which was my stay abroad for university. Conclusion: being parent is scary and possibly the hardest position to volunteer for.

– I struggled with existence and the impossible, specifically nonexistence. This struggle is a defining trait of my character to this very day.

 – I had four crushes, been in two major relationships, and fell in love with both, human and nonhuman entities. Falling in love, whether with Film or people, is an experience I feel truly lucky to be a part of, especially since I’ve always denied the existence of love.

Now what? Well, now I’m being slowly dragged out of the haunted lands of teenage and I will be taking my first steps in the “twenties.” But I genuinely don’t want to. I find that two decades of life on Earth is more than enough time for me. I know I haven’t experienced everything and that there’s so much more to make, see, and feel but I don’t find the future an appealing proposition, I never have. My heart will always lie in the beautiful past.

Artwork by Sara Andreasson

All I want for my twentieth birthday is for the universe to play me out along the melody of Thomas Newman’s Revolutionary Road score until I disappear.

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